Sometimes I can get so frustrated looking for the same things again and again. One night we were up until 1 AM looking for my beloved's lost book. Another night I ended up getting out of bed,dressing in my winter gear, and heading out through the subzero temps to look for her purse that had been lost in the car. I knew it was there, told her repeatedly it was there and would be ok... but seeing and holding the lost item is sometimes the only thing to comfort. Whenever I get frustrated I just have to remember what she has done for ME and I stop my fuming and thank the Creator. Here is a muse I scribbled about this topic.

Lost n Found Hide n Seek Hero 

It’s a game we play quite often
Several times a day
You will hide it
I will seek
You will lose it
So I can find
No item in the house
Is immune from this
Amazing vanishing act

Your glasses win the prize
For the most trips
Into the Twiight Zone.
They have cooled off
With the frozen yogurt
And ridden on a micro-merry-go round
I’ve found them beneath your pillow
And tucked within a dresser drawer
Wrapped in your underwear

Then there are your keys
That slip beneath the cushions
Fall into a shoe
Or slip into a potted plant
To take a little nap.
The can opener was not content
To hide in just one place
So it popped into a pan
That slipped into the stove

Every time I make a find
You cheer me and my success
“Oh thank you, thank you
You’re me hero!”
But it was you who first found me
When I was lost and hidden away
You brought me into the light
And loved me into the living
For you are MY
Lost and found, hide n seek hero.

M

The Rose

My love enjoys flowers and all things beautiful. I try to bring things home that she will enjoy looking at and will brighten her day. So one day I brought home a single rose...

The Rose

Brought you a rose

The other day.

You smiled

And giggled like a schoolgirl.

Stretching out a forefinger

Stroking each velvet petal

Your voice hushed:

“She’s so beautiful.

I will keep her forever.”

We secured a vase

Gave her water

Found the just right spot

On the table

Adjacent to your chair

Where you doze the day away

While Ellen dances across the screen

And Oprah fulfills dreams.

Found you weeping today

Eyes red and swollen

Shriveled petals carpeting your palm

“She’s gone!

I couldn’t fix her.”

On the table rests

A tangled mass of tape and petals.

Oh my rose

I see the petals

Of your life

Slowly slip away.

With all the tape and pills and prayers

I can’t fix you

God knows I’ve tried

Holding each other close

We weep

For the loss

We can not retrieve.

Perhaps next time

I’ll get you a cat.

Going Going COme Back

Going… Going… Come Back

You are leaving me.

I’ve known it for awhile

But closed my eyes to reality.

But why?

What did I do

To deserve such abandonment?

Don’t you remember all the good times

We stored away?

Like Glacier Park

When we swam in our tent

After three days of rain.

Or wandering the rocky coast of Maine

When I pointed to the surging ocean

To declare: “My love is as vast

And deep as the sea.”

With rolling eyes

A snickering laugh

You hit my arm

“You are SO full of it!”

What about the children

So devastated they rarely call

I was there when your water broke

In the cashier’s line at J.C. Penny.

We drove through the snow

While you counted contractions.

We danced in the moonlight

At our daughter’s wedding.

Can’t you stay a little longer?

Must you run blissfully

Into his clutches

So unaware how he steals

And distorts your most precious memories?

With every breath I take

A curse upon the name

Of the one who drew you away

Only to destroy you in the end.

You are leaving me

But I love you ever more

And will forever fight

To keep you by my side

And out of the clutches

Of that bastard…

Alzheimer’s.

Getting Started

Sometimes life compels us to act, respond, do something! My beloved is dying of Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed with Early Onset of Alzheimer's when she was only 55 years young. I am younger, still need to work, and have a very intense & demanding job. What to do? Move forward.

When referring to her husbands battle with Alzheimer's Nancy Reagan labeled it "The Long Goodbye." Not sure is she coined this phrase or borrowed it from another. Either way it fits quite well for me. So I shall aptly name this blog, "The Long Goodbye."

Much of what I share here will be poetry... for those who dislike this form of expression... oh well, I hope you will bear with me. I am hoping this blog will not only create a release for me but educate others on the bastard we call Alzheimer's. Thank you for reading my blog.